Over
the winter break, I did a lot of things such as travelling, spending time with
family/ friends, and going to fun places. To start off the long winter break, I
decided to start my homework early so that I wouldn’t need to cram everything
in at the end of the break. I learned to do this because of my procrastination
during the summer break with the AP summer assignments. I realized that it
really behooved me because I really had a lot of free time to do a lot of fun
things throughout the course of the break. From spending time with people to
travelling, my winter break was very productive.
On Christmas Eve, a few days after
the break had started, I went to Six Flags with three close friends. This trip
had been planned earlier but we saw that it would be best to go before
Christmas. We woke up at around 6 am and we all met at Wilshire and Western at
around 8 am. From there, we took several different subways and busses to get
all the way to Magic Mountain. It was long yet fun because we took a lot of
pictures and talked a lot. It was also very cheap because we rode the bus
instead of riding the train, which would’ve taken a lot less time. At six
flags, we rode a lot of different rides. We decided to start off with a ride
called ‘Full Throttle’, a very fast and exhilarating ride. It was a good ride
to start off with since this ride usually had a very long line that we would
have had to wait in. Since we woke up early and got to Six Flags early, we rode
many rides such as Viper, Superman, Drop of Doom, Batman, Goliath, Tatsu, Green
Lantern, and more. We left when the amusement park closed which was at around 8
pm. We then went to go eat at a place called Denny’s to end the day. It was
really a fun and productive day and definitely started my winter break off with
a blast.
On Dec. 27th, my mom and I flew to Korea to visit our family
and to spend time in different cities. We wanted to visit my grandmother,
grandfather, cousins and nieces. I spent my time in Korea from Dec. 28, 2014
all the way to Jan 8, 2015. Though I was homesick and missed my friends, it
really didn’t matter because it was so nice seeing all of my family members all
healthy and well. I stayed at my cousin’s house and mostly played with her
daughters, my nieces. Since they were my mom’s sister’s daughter’s daughters,
they called me uncle. They were really cute and without them, I would’ve been
bored for the majority of the time in the house. When I wasn’t home, I went to
many different cities and ate many different Korea foods using the train/
subway. I was surprised to see that the subway in Korea was more advanced than
the subway here in LA. It was also a lot cleaner and peaceful; in LA, there
would often be people on drugs, fighting, yelling, or creating some kind of ruckus
while in Korea, everyone respected each other’s privacy.
On Jan. 1, 2015, I went to my grandfather’s house,
on my dad’s side, to celebrate the New Years. It was really nice to see him
because he used to take care of me when I was really little. I hadn’t seen him
for many years. I also got to see all my cousins on my dad’s side who I also
didn’t see ever since I was really young. All my cousins, their parents, my
parents and I bowed to my grandfather first for he was the eldest. It is a
Korean tradition to bow down to someone one or more generations above you. As
we bowed he gave me and my cousins money. On New Year’s, it is common to
receive money from the people you bow to such as your grandparents and parents.
I was embarrassed because I momentarily forgot how to bow but I quickly
remembered on the spot and did it. It was good to revert back to the old Korean
traditions in Korea while I was so Americanized here in LA. Overall, Korea was
a great trip for I met so many people I didn’t meet for a long time and I hope
to return as soon as possible to see them again.
My winter break was a blast and it
was probably the best winter break I had ever had. It started off great
spending time with my friends at six flags and then going to Korea to see my
family members in Korea. I know that since I’m a junior, it’s going to be a
long summer filled with tests and exams so I wouldn’t be going on any more
trips any time soon so I was happy to make the most out of this break.
This essay contains great amounts of specific examples that help illustrate your various activities. Your use of varied diction make the essay more sophisticated and interesting. I was riveted by the story and the overall flow of the essay, which were enhanced by your use of distinct details.
ReplyDeleteYour intro paragraph gives a brief description of what you did during the break. Then the concluding paragraph totally summed up the entire essay as briefly as possible and addressed the prompt in a descriptive manner. If the essay had more imagery, the essay would be more fun and I think I would be able to picture your whole winter break. Although the essay did have some grammatical errors, overall it was a good descriptive essay.
ReplyDeleteAlthough the essay did some vague after reading so many of these, the post is actually substantial in a perspective that sees you as a person and not as another repetitive essay. Throughout the explanation and elaboration of your story, you used seemingly hidden rhetoric strategies and language techniques to grasp the audience into becoming engaged to your essay such as using emotional appeal, alliteration, and other fun or amusing strategies to get your audiences' attention.
ReplyDeleteGood job on being detailed on how you were feeling, what you did, and when you did it. This essay great amounts of specific examples that help illustrate your various activities.
ReplyDelete